It’s only a matter of time before my son “officially” comes out. I’m not sure what I mean by “officially”, but I know it will be soon. Can’t explain why exactly because I’m still not ready to give up my anonymity here but let’s just say it’s relatively imminent.
And I’m freaking out. And the crazy thing is, there is no reason for this. I have officially told all the people in my life who I feel like I need to tell. I have a few friends who I haven’t told that I’m either ok with them finding out from other people, or by word of mouth and then having a follow-up conversation with me. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. And when he does come out officially, our son and family will have a virtual wall of friends and relatives there to protect us (I hope).
So why am I freaking out? Well, I think status quo is always easier to deal with. We’ve been in this world of having gay son, but not publicly having gay son for almost 8 months. I have gotten to choose with whom and when we talk about this. I’ve never been approached by someone in the supermarket who wishes to discuss this with me. In other words, we’ve been in control of the situation (as much as possible). Now not only will my son have to deal with the repercussions of coming out, but so will my other children, my siblings, parents, and close friends. I feel like we’re throwing everyone into this fire. Then there are the people who won’t talk to me about it. Who will avoid it completely, or worse yet, avoid me. I remember when relatives of mine were getting divorced and it was a pretty big shock in the community. I’d see people I know and they would literally just avoid me. I don’t want that to happen now.
I think I just need to calm down and let the chips fall where they may. If anyone has read this blog or knows me personally, they know that I tend to overthink things in a big way…but I can’t anticipate everything. And even if I do, how will that help? 8 months ago if you told me my son would be ready to come out, and that I would have openly and honestly spoken to so many people about it already I would have laughed. I would have laughed that I went to a retreat for Orthodox parents of LGBT kids, I would have laughed that I want to be as involved as I plan on being (eventually) in bringing this issue to the forefront of the Orthodox world. So, I guess I just need to take my own advice. Calm down, maybe drink some tea (or vodka) (or both), observe, see what happens and then react when necessary.